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"By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolanle fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they may make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement 'until further notice'. The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them." (CCC, 1646)
"Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and tus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man's belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman. The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift." (CCC, 2337)
"In a society that tends more and more to relativise and trivialise the very experience of love and sexuality, exalting its fleeting aspects and obscuring its fundamental values, it is more urgent than ever to proclaim and bear witness that the truth of conjugal love and sexuality exist where there is a full and total gift of persons, with the characteristics of unity and fidelity. (Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, 223) |
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 Frequently Asked Questions
1. Sex before marriage? Is it okay to live together and
have sexual relations before marriage?
Now that I read the question again, it is really two questions. I will answer the second part.
The days when most couples stayed with their parents before getting married and moving into a new home together are for most people in Scotland a thing of the past. Many couples now "set up home" or "move in together" with the idea that they can see how suited they are before thinking about getting married. If their relationship proves to be positive and they are "compatible" they may in the future get married. During this "trial marriage" many also feel that it is important to see how they get on sexually. To many people this makes perfect sense showing that they are a bit more committed, while not yet ready to marry because they are not sure of their relationship yet.
Surely in an age when so many marriages break down the Church should approve such arrangements? Sadly, however, the figures prove the opposite: couples who live together before they get married are more likely to get divorced than those who do not. This might surprise some, but not the Church.
In marriage a couple commit themselves completely to each other and symbolise that in the gift of their bodies to one another in sexual intercourse. Sex is physically pleasurable and emotionally fulfilling, but it is an even greater sign of the complete gift of self and the openness to new life in children. Outside of marriage there is no such commitment, no understanding of giving oneself unreservedly to another person. Indeed the very notion of a trial commitment is no commitment at all.
Commitment is an all or nothing type of word; you are either committed or not. Couples who live together are kind of hedging their bets or keeping their options open. The longer they live with the idea that they can always walk away, the harder it is to make the commitment to stay together that marriage symbolises. This lack of commitment is why sex outside of marriage while pleasurable and fulfilling is also a lie, because the openness and unity it symbolises are just not there.
The Gospel invites couples to a greater intimacy than is possible in simply "living together". It reveals marriage as an appreciation of the other person in a stable, secure, permanent and faithful relationship, as an expression of true and committed love rather than a convenient financial arrangement or simply satisfying of sexual desire.
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